This week in my brain…
I'm currently fundraising for my company, which is an exciting milestone and, it's killing me, but not in the ways you might think. (Blerg, I sound like a Buzzfeed article title, but I do mean it.)
Repeat administrative tasks are my slow death, and that's what fundraising is. I have all the stamina and grit, but no one told me grit would be a slow drain of my battery. I'm a builder. That's what I love doing and what gives me energy. I know raising money is part of building my company, but the raising process is like watching myself build a lego castle one single, tiny brick a day.
The Grind
Here's the routine: I start my day sending ten outreach emails. I list the night before who those ten people will be so I don't have to think about it when my brain is still waking up. This all sounds easy and can be done relatively quickly even when I'm customizing the messages, but it takes its toll because there are no dopa hits.
Waiting for an email reply is a slow death. Receiving a reply is another death because then I have to respond in a timely manner and my ADHD has some personal vendetta against mail (email, snail, iPhone ).
Showing up and doing the same thing every day is what needs to be done, but for me it's dopa negative. Even when they finally respond, there's no fun. Yes, I just got a reply! I'm excited because... it's an email that then requires me to send another response to a booking link, or be redirected to an assistant. It's all just more emails back and forth.
Can we just make a one-stop shop pitch hotline to stop this back and forth?
Radio show pitch hotline: "Hey this is Emily, long-time listener, first-time caller. I'm building ChatRoulette but for AI search queries. You have to discuss your latest search with a complete stranger. For what purpose? Idk, to feel shame that you told ChatGPT you have an itch?"
Finding the Fix
The point of this post isn't to bitch at you about my fundraising gripes. It's to say I'm seeking new dopa hits to compensate. Give me all the vices please. Just kidding. Viceless vicesGive me all the viceless vices.
I have recently given up all my loves: cheese, men, booze, sugar.But I will never, ever give up my commitment to a bit.
I gave up the above because they felt like they took the wheel and I need to be the captain now. I also gave up distractions like the fun mid-morning text and put my phone on ‘do not disturb’. All work and no red makes Emily a dull girl, so... There's too much on the line, but I do not want to live a beige life (leopard print life only). So where does one get their fix?
The internet tells me each week should include:
One dopamine anchor (something you're progressing toward) - but don't I have that with building a company?!
Two oxytocin anchors (safe, non-romantic connection) - um, is this a suggestion to hire a professional snuggler? Don’t tempt me with a good time.
One narrative anchor (something that reinforces "my life is going somewhere") - I think the internet is worried about me.
Thanks chatbot, this was unhelpful.
I take issue with everyone (ChatGPT, Co-Pilot, Claude) diagnosing the problem but offering no real path to remedy. But I refuse to give up, so here's what I commit to trying (and reporting back on):
Getting too close to strangers in line - these unsuspecting folks will be my oxytocin anchors. Kiddingggg. But what if that was the answer?!
20-minute sprints of dopa drain work - I can do anything for 20 minutes. Let's GOOOO.
Finding intermediary rewards - This is so shameful but I found a purse I'm obsessed with and I told myself no purse till I get my first check in. That was so annoyingly motivating. When I send the emails I'm like "I'm a bag bitch! Money in the bag and the bag is mine." Something about a more tangible object that's more near-term is helping. I’m motivated by luscious leather and hardware. What of it?!
Novelty - I try to do the draining tasks in a new environment. I keep a list of coffee places to try, so I pick one on the list when I do my nightly planning and start the day there. Something about being in a new place contrasts with the routine to make it less procedural.
TLDR: Fundraising is a dopamine desert of repetitive admin tasks that's slowly draining my ADHD brain. I've given up all my vices in the name of focus, but I refuse to live a beige life. My survival tactics: 20-minute work sprints, rewarding myself with tangible intermediary motivators, doing routine work in novel coffee shops, and maybe getting uncomfortably close to strangers in line for oxytocin hits. Will report back on whether I become a well-funded weirdo or just a weirdo.
Stay unscripted,
🖤 EmmyLu