Maybe the most frustrating experience of the past couple of years has been this desperate, restless feeling of wanting to be better. A better version of me, every single day. Spoiler: I am, as it turns out, a hyper-achiever type.
What does this look like in practice? I am always optimizing myself. I am the test dummy, the dog food, the one-woman clinical trial. (God, what have I become.) When you are this close to yourself as THE project, it's hard to see progress. It's even harder when you go one step forward and two steps back.
I never feel this more deeply than when I repeat the same mistake, except it's never exactly the same. It's the same lesson in a new disguise. I took History 101 last semester and now here's Ancient History 101 in elbow patches, just different enough that I hand over my money. By the time I'm cramming for the final, I see the pattern, but I've paid tuition and done the work, so why stop now?
This is always the moment I should pull away. Instead I double down. Sunk cost bias. Throwing bad money after good.
It is at this exact moment that I remember: You don't have your habits. Your habits have you. (Thanks Professor Sykes for this one).
I am balls deep in a term paper, no longer questioning how I got here, because muscle memory and limiting beliefs have me locked into a flow I no longer want to follow.
I do notice the pull faster now. I can recalibrate sooner each time. But it's still devastating to feel like you're back at square one.
I don't have a magic fix. But here's what I'm doing to stop paying the same tax.
Get Hyper-Specific
Vague goals breed vague progress.
A friend of mine wrote a letter to her future self asking for love. She met someone — at a wedding, felt like magic. On paper he was everything she asked for. He also lived halfway around the world, was younger than anyone she'd seriously considered, and wanted loads of kids when she wanted none.
She got exactly what she asked for.
Be specific about what success actually looks like. And be loose on the how, over-controlling the path means you miss unexpected help and signposts along the way. Don't let the initial lack of clarity stop you from starting. Starting builds both momentum and clarity.
Start Smaller Than You Think
Don't boil the ocean. Identify the one to three things with the biggest impact, then pick one. Always do less and do it better.
Find a Model of Excellence
Find someone already doing what you want to do. Study them. Borrow their roadmap until you can draft your own. Better yet, find someone better than you at the thing and ask them for help.
The fastest way to get better is to invite in people who are further along.
This is one I'm actively working on in 2026. I am historically bad at asking for help. That changes this year.
Let's get better together.
Stay unscripted my loves 🖤 - EmmyLu