I was on a girls trip this past weekend and the persistent conversation topic was “finding the one.” The conversation ended in the same way most similar ones do. Everyone hates dating apps, but people struggle to meaningfully connect with people in the wild. One friend claimed "I just never meet anyone.”
That's a lie. We are not seeing all the chances we get mostly because we are making the stakes too high.
We are opting out because we think we can only flirt (or approach) when we want something or someone has already proven themselves a great match. Can’t we just flirt for sport?
Have you ever gotten mad when a stranger paid you a compliment? You don't need an end game. If we only talk to the strangers we are actually ready to date, it’s no wonder we miss every chance that pops up. The bar gets set too fucking high. Too much pressure. And predictably, we are out of practice when someone great shows up because we missed all the warm up exercises opportunities.
Flirt with your barista, the security guard at work, the towel person at the gym. I have been playing around with a few pick-up lines and here are some you might try....
I just had to come over and say I love your shirt/hair/smile…
You have great energy, I just wanted to let you know I see it.
More advanced: I don't normally do this, but you seem worth the risk…
At a minimum just make eye contact with the person. Don't be a creep. Just offer the open energy. That's all it is.
My friends were shocked how many strangers talked to me on the street, in the cafe, at the bar. I say “it’s the hair.” Bright red makes me a beacon, but more importantly it is an easy invitation for conversation.
We are all looking for ways to connect, but don't know where or how to start. A statement piece, like red hair or a brightly colored outfit offers an easy entry point. You don't need a distinctive flare, just be present, and pause a beat longer in moments of connection than you normally would.
I have a friend who, when she is in public, has made an agreement with herself not to be on her phone. I love that. We go out to be around other people. Put the phone down, put a smile on, say the thing you are thinking. People will be grateful that you were the brave one extending an invitation for human connection. In that moment, no one cares if you or they are THE ONE. We are all happy for a momentary complimentary distraction from routine.
What are you actually saving your flirting for? So instead of swiping left, left left… Practice, practice, practice those in person bends and snaps.
bend and snap
Stay unscripted my loves.
🖤 - EmmyLu